The Honest Truth About My So-Called Freedom
"I sell peace for a living. Some days I can't find it for myself."
I thought I had found freedom.
I walked away from corporate life — left the security, the salary, the predictable ladder.
My marriage ended.
Most of the money I'd made over a lifetime was gone.
Some through bad choices. Some through risks that didn't pay off. And yes — some through old gambling habits that taught me more about chance than I ever wanted to know.
The Illusion of Freedom
For two and a half years in Rishikesh, I lived what I thought was freedom.
No fixed hours.
No one breathing down my neck.
Talking to people about living in the moment.
Feeling grounded.
Smiling at the simplicity of it all.
I wasn't rich.
But I wasn't worried.
Life felt… light.
Then Came Aavya
Then I started Aavya — a wellness space on the hills.
The dream was simple:
Create a place where people could breathe.
Heal.
Find joy.
I'd teach Yoga Nidra, share philosophy, help others live the kind of "free" life I thought I had figured out.
And Aavya grew.
People came.
They loved it.
They left lighter than they arrived.
The Reality Now
But now…
Some mornings I don't wake up thinking about meditation or presence.
I wake up thinking about:
- •cash flows stretched to breaking point
- •a season slowed down by relentless monsoons
- •a hundred repairs that all needed to be done yesterday
- •regulations, delays, responsibilities
And the quiet truth:
I am the person where everything stops.
The final buck.
And every other buck.
The Contradiction
It's a strange feeling.
To stand in a space you built for peace…
and be silently calculating:
How many room nights will cover this month?
How long before the next payment is due?
To say "be in the moment" —
while your mind is racing ahead into future problems.
The Absurdity of It All
And sometimes…
I laugh.
Because if I don't — I might cry.
Independence Day Thought
So this Independence Day 2025, I find myself asking:
Is freedom the absence of responsibility?
Or…
Is it the ability to carry responsibility
without letting it crush your spirit?
Or maybe…
Is it just something we dress up in spiritual language —
something that feels real in easy times
but slips away when things get hard?
I Don't Know Yet
I don't have the answer.
Maybe by next year, I'll have peeled away another layer.
Or learned how to feel free
while carrying a hundred responsibilities.
For now, I'm here.
Juggling the joy
and the weight.
Trying to remember that even in the mess…
there is something beautiful.
How free are you, really?
If this resonates, maybe Aavya is not just a place — but a mirror.
Related reading from the Journal
- Founder's Note
Gambling Since Age 9 — A 45-Year Journey
I started gambling at the ripe old age of nine.
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The Great Spiritual Dilemma
I don't know how to begin this without sounding like a hypocrite. Maybe I am one. Maybe we all are. Running Aa…
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I'm Asking You to Be Undisciplined
I have attended fewer than thirty yoga classes in four and a half years of living in Rishikesh.
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